You never get over the death of your child

You Never Get Over the Death of Your Child
By Jackie Wesley

In our Compassionate Friends support groups, we discuss how we never get over the death of our children, but we do say it gets different. There will be a time when we don’t think of the death as often as we did in the very beginning, and we evolve to the place where we have more and better memories of our child’s life and fewer ones of their death. This being the 14th year anniversary since my daughter Teresa died; I know that is true for me.

There is a song, “A Little Farther Down the Road” which was written and sung by a bereaved parent, Alan Pederson, who tells it like it is. I recently played the song at our meeting because it lets the newly bereaved parents learn what we who are farther along know now.

In the beginning of our agonizing, desperate, feeling of grief, all of us have felt it would/could never be any better. The message we at The Compassionate Friends want to share with all of the newly bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents and also any others who have lost a loved one is that it will get better.

Each of us finds we now have a new normal after the death of our child and we learn to incorporate our child in our new normal, no matter what we do.

They say time heals, but most of us say it’s not time that heals; it’s what we do with that time that brings true healing. When we do things in memory of our children, no matter how small a task it may be, it promotes healing. It is always a good feeling when we can reach out and help another through their pain; it is also a way to help us survive such a loss.

We can become bitter, or better, I hope I have become better, I know Teresa would want that for me.