We Do Not Judge

At the Compassionate Friends support meetings, we are never to judge how someone’s child died. We are of course concerned, but we are there solely for the support of the parents at their time of grief.

In the past few months there have been some deaths by suicide and a couple of murders in our area. We know it is very hard to come to a meeting for the first time. Parents who have the added trauma of their child’s violent or self-inflicted death may be hesitant to attend for fear of having to talk about how their child died. It is our hope that we will never make someone uncomfortable, no matter what they may say or how they may behave. There is no pressure for anyone to speak if they don’t wish to.

I recall that when actress Anna Nicole died, there was so much controversy over how she grieved her son’s death. Someone on TV mentioned she that was STILL grieving, as though she should have been long over it. In fact he had died only a few months earlier.
I cannot help but feel sorry for Anna’s mother because of all the negativity that was said about her daughter at that terrible time. It was as if people didn’t care that she was grieving herself. I wondered how they could overlook the feelings of the ones who loved and grieved over Anna Nicole and her son. We may not have approved of Anna’s lifestyle, but she was a bereaved mother, as was her own mother!

I only mentioned this because I want others to know that we at The Compassionate Friends try to be as supportive as possible of bereaved parents. We want them to know they do not need to worry about being judged at our meetings. They won’t be judged. But they will be welcomed.