What do we do at a TCF meeting?

What do we do at a TCF meeting?
By Jackie Wesley


Many people may think that meetings of The Compassionate Friends consist of bereaved people who sit and cry most of the evening, but that is certainly a misconception. It is normal to shed tears as we talk about our child’s death, and we would expect a newly bereaved person to cry. We understand that completely. But we don’t just sit and cry. Would you believe that most of the time we spend in our sharing group circle we may enjoy hearing others’ stories about their children, or even sharing our own? Our meetings are usually about our memories, our questions and also telling what has helped us to cope with it all. We all have ideas that we share with others in the hope that they may reach a point of “good memories” instead of bad memories of the child’s death. During the “special days” such as the child’s birth date or death anniversary or even holidays we offer written information that may have helped some of us to cope.

A support group should be informative, very comforting and welcoming to those who attend and should always have non-judgmental members. We are less concerned at how the child died (even though we do care) and we are more concerned that we be there for the parents, siblings or grandparents who need us. They have a desire to talk and share about their loved one. We want to let them lean on us in their time of pain, just as we had others before us who let us lean on them. It does come full circle.