Grief And Anger

Grief and Anger
By Jackie Wesley
Chapter leader, The Compassionate Friends
East Central Indiana and Miami-Whitewater Chapters

In our Miami-Whitewater Chapter meeting this month we will be discussing anger in our grief. Many experience anger after their child or loved one dies. A description of anger is “A feeling of rage, an emotional agitation to what is viewed as unfair, unjust and sometimes even shameful”.

When we are angry we need a target. Sometimes the target may be God. (He understands.) Some may even feel anger at their child or loved one, thinking, “How could he/she leave me like this? Why? Doesn’t he/she know I’m hurting and in pain?” Some people are angry at the doctors, some at the funeral directors, some even feel anger toward themselves, thinking they could have done something to prevent the death.

We may even be angry at our spouse. He/she may not grieve the same way and we may misunderstand their feelings that are just as deep as our own. Maybe our clergyman is not as compassionate as we believe they should be, or maybe they were not available to us at all. We are angry because we feel abandoned and that life is unfair. We also feel very alone and no longer in control of our emotions. We may also think nothing will ever be the same, and it won’t. But as time goes on, it does get somewhat easier as you work through your grief.

We all try at times to not let this anger show to others, but suppressing it can only lead to sickness and withdrawal. Masking anger will often hurt the ones around you and may even drive them away from you. You may even risk losing your closest support system.

Dealing with your anger and admitting it and also seeking help from others who have experienced this feeling is always the healthy thing to do. Personally, talking has been the best help for me. Attending a Compassionate Friends meeting and talking to others who have “been there” has helped many.