Steps that may help us in our grief

Steps that may help us in our grief
By Jackie Wesley

Here are some of my personal suggestions for dealing with grief.

First, we can not avoid it, even though I think everyone would like to avoid the pain of grief if at all possible.

We can cry, and cry some more. Actually crying helps to get the tears and poisons out of your body.

Get the anger out even if you have to go to a yard sale and buy some old cheap dishes to throw at a fence or an outside wall. (I have heard that this was helpful.) Holding in your anger will only make you resentful as well as hateful, something we do not want to be. It is never good to take your anger out on people or pets. To some people, cleaning or organizing is helpful, although I haven’t experienced that in my own anger.

We never want to compare our grief to someone else’s because different circumstances will always bring a different type of grief. No two people ever grieve in the same way. To compare is just never a good thing to do.

We can ask our family and friends to understand and be supportive and let us talk when we feel the need.

We have to understand that a feeling of guilt is a part of grief. Our loved ones didn’t die because we didn’t do something right or we didn’t do something to stop it, or because we didn’t say no, or even because we let them drive the family car. We need to accept that it JUST HAPPENED!

It isn’t at all comforting to live in the “What if…” “I wish I had…” “If I had only..” and “Why?” world. I realize that these are everyday words to those of us who have lost our children (or another loved one). That is where The Compassionate Friends can be very helpful. We can talk to each other and ask these questions and know everyone there understands.

We can also hold onto the belief that we will see our children, siblings or grandchildren (or other loved one) again. Until then, we will continue to hold them in our hearts and memories.