What Can we do after a Death?

What can we do after a death?
By Jackie Wesley Chapter leader for The Compassionate Friends

When your child dies, it is an extremely difficult life changing experience and one that you never get over. You may reach a place where you can deal with it easier, but as for what some people may call “closure” that just doesn’t happen. We cannot “close” a door to grief, just as we cannot close a door to the love we have for our child who has died. There are many things we can do to help ourselves in the memory of our child. We can reach out to other newly bereaved parents who have also lost a child, sibling or grandchild, we can go even further and reach out to anyone who has lost a loved one. Being kind is one way to help make you feel better about yourself and I’m certain the deceased child will be so very proud of you.
You can join support groups such as The Compassionate Friends or Bereaved Parents of USA, or any type of support group that fits your situation. You can even lead a support group, you can get involved in a children’s program, maybe put articles in a newsletter. There are just so many things that are both effective and will help in your healing.
Some parents start a scholarship in the memory of their child, some work as volunteers in hospitals, several become involved in “Walks to Remember “ their children, siblings and grandchildren. There are those who want or needs to decorate their child’s graves, I happen to be one who does, while there are some who do not feel that need, but whatever will help you in your grief, that is what you must do. You must certainly take care of yourself and your health. You should try to get enough rest and take it easy, getting run down and sick is never a good thing to do, especially when you are in such grief, it takes so much longer to reach a healing place.
If your child or loved one had a hobby, a passion for doing something, you may find that taking that hobby up can help you feel closer to your child. Maybe make a photo album of the child, and reminisce while sorting pictures, I know that helped me at the time my daughter Teresa died I made several pages of pictures of her for her brother and sister’s albums.
I have found that reaching out to others who have suffered a loss has helped me more than anything I have done and I know how appreciated it is to know your not alone in your grief.