When to part with our child's belongings

When to part with our child’s belongings
By Jackie Wesley

There are so many grief resources on the internet that I am finding to be extremely helpful to me. I have been fortunate to talk to other bereaved parents in chat rooms and also by e- mail. I enjoy reading the letters that other parents have written to the Atlanta Sharing website; I too have written in, on special occasions. I also receive many newsletters from other TCF chapters. Even with all this wonderful outreach and internet websites, my opinion is that the most important sharing is in a physical group of other bereaved parents. We are very much like family. We can share even the smallest details that those who have never lost a child may not understand, such as the things we now hold dear.

A couple of weeks ago I was watching a TV show that had a professional organizer on helping a bereaved family sort through the things they had kept of their young son who had died a few years ago. The organizer was not a bereaved parent and surely did not understand bereaved parents feelings; he called the items “clutter.” He would help them to “declutter.” Now that is not a word that any of us would use to describe our deceased loved ones belongings!

We all have different feelings about the items. As we have discussed in our support meetings, most of us feel they are “treasures.” Until we personally make the decision to part with them (if ever), I see no reason to let go of them.

The most precious treasures we now have are our memories. Second to our memories are the actual items that our child or loved one used, held, or maybe received as a gift. It’s not the item itself; it’s the memory that goes along with it. And in my way of thinking, that makes it a treasure to keep forever.